Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Kill Dentist: Vol. 1

I love movies, and I tend to describe events/people by using movie analogies. This being said, I can think of no better way to talk about our little office. The girls were a little nervous about being blogged using their names, or even initials, so to protect their anonymity, they get aliases.

When trying to ascertain what movie best fits us, I really could not come up with a film whose characters embody us as a whole with regard to our personalities. That being said, I had to go with a movie that at least matched (or as close as possible) the numbers and genders of the staff and I. I considered using the Lord of the Rings trilogy and making all the girls hobbits (the tallest one is 5'2") but they were oddly offended at the notion. I work with a bunch of women, and I probably should have prefaced this.

The Kill Bill characters seem to work for several reasons. 1.) One man and four women. 2.) It's an iconic movie, so it would be a little more timeless that choosing Spiderman 3 as our example. 3.) The structure and organization of the Kill Bill "group" is really cool. Now these aliases are really just for identification purposes and each girl really doesn't necessarily embody their respective character's attributes. They all have their idiosyncrasies that are so funny.

The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad

Copperhead: CH has been working with me from the very beginning. She's my right hand when it comes to dentistry, and nothing would get done around here if she weren't running the show. She has a thick skin and can deal with me in a straight-up manner. I don't need to mince words with her and vice versa. She's in charge and knows it.

California King Snake: CKS was hired to be our hygienist 6 months after we opened, and she was our only one for a long time. She is a perfectionist, which is great when it comes to hygiene. I highly doubt I could scale teeth as well as she does. She has a hunger for knowledge, and is always trying to learn something new. When dealing with Spanish-speakers, she'll speak English to them with a Spanish accent. She doesn't realize it's happening, which makes it all the more hilarious. She's hyper-competitive, as well, so it's fun to challenge her.

Black Mamba: BlM is our newest assistant. She's young and a new assistant. BlM replaced our last assistant and has been a breath of fresh air for our little clinic. She's a tough girl, plays soccer, and has been known to get in a fight if need be. Sometimes she mispronounces words which a constant source of entertainment for the entire office. Currently, we call her "Bitewinks," because that's how she said bitewings one day.

Cottonmouth: CM is our new hygienist. She's been practicing for nearly 30 years, so she brings a lot of wisdom and experience to our young office.

Bill a.k.a. Snakecharmer: That's me. Like any good leader, I know how to motivate, and more importantly, manipulate those under me. For example, if I want to aggravate Copperhead, the boss, I undermine her authority somehow. I can threaten to demote her from the unofficial head assistant position. This ploy usually gets me ignored for at least half a day. Snapping my fingers, even in jest, earns me a half-day penalty. There is no denying my Dutton bloodline, because I can get a rise out of anyone.

With California King Snake, I'll educate her on something but intentionally give her incorrect information. The amusing part is that I typically forget to tell her that it was a joke, she goes home and tells her friends/family what she learned that day. A few days later she'll come to work proud of herself, because told her husband what she had learned from me. At that point, I remember and confess. I am ignored for at least half a day afterward. I also like to tap into her competitive drive by challenging her to various feats of strength. We once were going to have a push-up contest, but she reneged because her shoulder was hurting. It's always good fun to bring up the time she wimped out on push-ups.

For Black Mamba, I basically have to challenge her fortitude. This is pretty easy to do, because I just remind her of a time that I accidentally bit her head off. She was pretty angry afterward (I promptly apologized) and almost looked like she was going to cry. So now, I bring up the time she cried in my office. Ignored. Half a day.

I leave Cottonmouth alone. She is a kind soul and is undeserving of any additional torment. I only hope I amuse her with my antics with the other girls.

That is all I care to explain at this time, but hopefully there will be more on a later date. We're totally swamped!

3 comments:

Marina said...

You have WAY to much time on your hands!! ;)

Rosie O'Grady said...

This is an exciting set up. I bet the girls are waiting with bated breath for the next installment. I know that I am!

The Farmer's Wife said...

I'm a movie idiot. If it's not Larry the Cucumber or a Disney drama, I probably missed it. And I missed Kill Bill. But I LOVE your descriptions and especially that you can't help but work those poor little assistants into a frenzy with your antagonizing!

You know how Grandma knows she's being baited and STILL bites? That's what I imagine is going on there....

Waiting, waiting, waiting for the next installment. (You gotta People magazine?)